so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Is Oprah even human
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
