i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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