Banned from zoo.
Again?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
