You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
