screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize