We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
