he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
