Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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