Where is the hickey?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
