My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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