I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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