NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
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I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
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Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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