so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We have so much sex to catch up on
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
