so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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