When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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