wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
