How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
