If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
