So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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