a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
