Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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