3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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