and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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