I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
