yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
