Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
