You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
