did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
