If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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