i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Randomize
