i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
