nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
