I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Terrible idea I love it
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
