Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
