Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
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We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You are a genius and a whore.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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