just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
