So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
