update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize