Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
