i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
