my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
