When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize