So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Can you bring me the toilet please
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
