I am in a vortex of obligation.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
no you cant smoke seaweed
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
