I wish I could teleport
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
