Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
