Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
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He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
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Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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