also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat