I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.