Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority