Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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