He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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