I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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