dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
