Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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