Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
