If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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