Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
