fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
