But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
