i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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