ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
