I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
