My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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