can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
