first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
