I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
