He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
