Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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